Brolley rage

Melbourne, once the city with the shittest weather this side of New Zealand, has become so dry that when we actually do recieve some decent precipitation the joint comes to a complete and utter fucking standstill. Cars crash, children under the age of seven scream, dogs run away and footballers hide like bitches inside cars during Grand Final parades.

The other thing I have noticed is that most people don’t carry umbrellas anymore and are caught out by the rain. And those that do have umbrellas have forgotten how to actually hold one without doing harm to some poor  fucker who wanted to get through life with both eyes attached to their head.

This causes frustration, but even I was shocked this evening when a woman accidentally poked another woman’s face with her umbrella at Southbank, only for the victim to yell out for all to hear: “Watch where you poking that thing I nearly lost my eye you stupid fucking slut!”

I’ve got to say, this was rather unexpected coming from a very well dressed woman on her way home from the office. I mean, it’s not like she had a St Kilda jumper on or anything.

Let’s rid Melbourne of some fucktards

The following posts contains course language, violence and adult themes.

The Age and the Herald Sun websites reported that the State Emergency Service has warned commuters to leave work early in case the storms expected to hit Melbourne at 5pm impact the public transport network.

In light of the controversy surrounding fire warnings you’d think such warnings would be appreciated and people could then make up their own minds based on the advice. But no, not in Melbourne and certainly not amongst the fucktardery that inhabit the comments section of the Herald Sun. I am ashamed to admit I live in the same city as these arse babies.

It’s time the stupid was driven out of Melbourne. So I’ve strapped a spotlight to the roof of the ute, adjusted the scope on my Winchester .303, stirred up the bullmastiffs, rubbed mud on my face and returned to the fucktard hunt!

What wild weather? Beautiful morning not a bad cloud in sight. Nice breezy day. Maybe someone has blacked out the windows at the BOM?
Posted by: Darren of Mooroolbark 2:28pm today

Read the story spastic! It says wild weather expected at 5pm! Or don’t you have clocks up there in them fucking hills. I bet if Mooroolbark went up in flames on Black Saturday you’d be the first cunt to blame everyone else for not warning you. You’re a cunt and you’ll be spared the worst in life because that’s how this fucked up world works. But rest assured that me and every other Melburnian including your mother thinks you’re toilet.

If a tree falls on your house or car sue the council for not letting you trim it or even cut it down!! I’m sure the greenies will pay the councils legal costs…they love trees so much!!
Posted by: Nasty 1:54pm today

 Yeah that’s right. Blame everyone but yourself, it’s what has made the world so great. I hope the tree falls and just misses your car so you can get in it and end up under a semi trailer you smarmy cunt!

Evacuate, evacuate, evacuate …………….. get out while you can ……….. the Connex trains will probably be blown off the rails, that’s if the power lines along the tracks don’t lift off first ……….. another reason for L.Harris Connex spokesperson to get her head on TV ……..
Posted by: stuart of Melbourne 1:34pm today

You despicable cunt.

Guess this is a part of the mythical global warming, or is it El Nino this time.
Posted by: ted thorne of melbourne 1:20pm today

 I hope your Andrew Bolt worship kills you in the most painful of ways.

Whatever happened to the SMS alerts from the Police?
Posted by: Rex 1:17pm today

Yeah let’s get the police to SMS you all the time because you’re too stupid to read information and make a decision for yourself. Why not get the police SMS you to remind you to wipe your arse after you have a shit. I hope the police SMS you to let you know they’ve just put a bullet through your thick bonce – dumb cunt.

Sound advice but will some idiot subsequently fine any Victorian who cuts down a loose branch in GREENIE Victoria?
Posted by: sam of melbourne 12:20pm today

 I hope a tree fucks your fat hairy arse Evil Dead style!

Far out, we’re getting heaps of warnings and no storms!! I’ll believe it when I see it.
Posted by: cal of Blackburn 10:46am today

I want the last thing you see to be the  sheet of corrugated iron that decapitates your stupid fucking ugly head.

Celebrities the answer to Melbourne’s street violence

Here’s a rather novel; way to rid Melbourne of street violence; wheel out some celebrity big guns to hit out at the problem. Who needs police and CCTV when you have a few “prominent” Melburnians telling us that violence is really, really bad.

This is enlightening stuff. Surely this will be so successful that they’ll introduce it to other cities like Washington DC, Johannesburg and Bahgdad!

So what sort of observations and solutions have our celebrity think tank come up with?

 Australian music powerbroker Michael Gudinski blamed alcohol and drug consumption.

No! Who’d have fucking thunk that!

Footy legend Ron Barassi blames his generation for not teaching the young respect in schools and the home.

That’s exactly right Ron, that’s why young people beat the shit out of those slack old people.

Historian Geoffrey Blainey said he was shocked at the level of violence in Melbourne. and says “The first task of a government is law and order.” 

Ah see, they don’t call him Prof for nothing.

Celebrity chef George Calombaris said thugs should be locked up.

Who the fuck is George Calombaris?

Former premier Jeff Kennett called for a saturation education campaign against violence.

Yeah, that would really help sort out them uneducated thugs Jeff.

Legal expert David Galbally, QC, said violence was “second nature” to many of today’s youth.

What would you fuckin know Galbally. Let’s see you say that outside. Come on!

And so it goes on and on and fucking on. It’s enough to make you want to kick the shit out of nightclubbers.

McGill’s closes its doors, so what old-school Melbourne icons are left?

I was shocked to just read that after 149 years McGills newsagency in Elizabeth Street is closing its doors  as its owners have decided not to renew its lease.

This is really sad for Melbourne, which has lost dozens of iconic stores in recent years, only for the familiar shopfronts of national and international chains to take their place. I was thinking about this just last week when I was at City Hatters at Flinders Street Station, in particular how it’s one of those things about Melbourne that has remained unchanged since I visited the city as a wide-eyed child with my parents.

Others Melbourne stores I remember from my childhood include Hearns Hobbies, Myer (of course), Hobby Place on Lonsdale Street, Mitchell’s Disposals (I remember when you got real ex-Army stuff), Peter Stevens Motorcycles and Radio Parts (at the top of Spencer Street).

Can you Melburnians think of any of the city’s other iconic survivors.

Blackhawk critics should harden (and shut) the fuck up

The Australian Army is using Melbourne and surrounds to train its Blackhawk helicopter crews to operate in various conditions which would be useful should they be required for  anti-terrorism operations. I saw them swoop over Southbank yesterday, it was a pretty cool sight.

However talkback radio lines and The Age newspaper have been inundated with complaints about the helicopters, which are operating in a group of four, by people who can’t put up with a bit of noise for the sake of national security – of course they will be the same people to complain if the Army is not prepared to deal with a terrorist situation.

According to The Age some people complained they had not received adequate notification of the flights. You have got to be shitting me! We’re talking about a few helicopters flying around in the sky, it’s not like they are doing live firing practice at the local primary school.

One woman even contacted to The Age to say that the choppers gave her ”a somewhat sinister feeling, but worse, given that I don’t think we’re at war, is the noise and the sense of invasion”. What are you, a fucking child? How about we paint the Blackhawks pink so then you can have the sense that you’re back in fucking La La land where you belong you fucking idiot. Get a grip!

Another Agereader, from Rosanna, also claimed the noise was overwhelming due to the frequency and intensity of the interruptions. Fuck me dead mate you should try living in the western suburbs where they’re thinking of replacing the police helicopter with tower, equipped with a searchlight, to save on fuel. The reason why you hear them a lot in Rosanna is because they are based at the Watsonia Army Barracks – honestly is the sound of passing helicopters for a couple of weeks really going to hurt you? There’s no need for the NIMBY attitude as they’ll be gone by the weekend and you won’t lose any value on your property – so fuck off and make sure your No Junk Mail sign is still on your letter box you miserable fucking git.

Many talkback callers were upset that the helicopters are flying at night – yes, well of course terrorists only do their shit from 9-5 don’t they so?How dare those flyboys bother you while Farmer Wants a Wife is on.

OK, this comment in the Herald Sun made me laff!

An earth tremor hit Melbourne this evening. I never felt a bloody thing, probably on account that I’ve finally been able to disable my fireawall and have been going beserk with Limewire downloading some great old tunes (spare me the lecture). I reckon it happened when I was playing See my Baby Jive by Wizzard turned up to 11.

Anyway the story about the Earthquake on the Herald Sun website came with a comments section (maybe it was a Sudanese earthquake). Going by some accounts of things falling off shelves and houses moving it must have been pretty strong. 

I must admit I was rather tickled by this comment.

ok so we had an earthquake – all I want to know is where was my warning text message from the Government???

Posted by: Michael Galbraith of Hawthorn 9:58pm today

Comment 71 of 78

How can one crash have such far reaching repercussions?

I write this while trying to motivate myself into working from home because according to the radio every way into the city from the western suburbs is in gridlock because of an an accident in Kooyong almost three hours earlier.

I don’t want to make light of the accident, in which a motorcyclist was killed. But this just shows how fragile our road network is if I am unable to get to West Footscray Station or drive to Southbank at 9am because police are trying to piece together an accident that happened on the other side of the city (see map) at 6.15am.

Please Mr Brumby, forget about making Melbourne Australia’s biggest city – we can’t cope with what we have now.

Also, why can’t more employers be more flexible to allow people to start and finish work before or after the peak periods. We probably wouldn’t need $50 billion in transport upgrades if employees weren’t subjected to outdated and inflexible work practices that sees people having to at work during at set times, even of their job does not warrant it.

 

Roads from the western suburbs that are stuffed due to a crash in Kooyong.

Bullshit Bandidos beat up

Just witnessed about 200 Bandidos bikies arrive at the Mantra Hotel in Southbank as part of their annual national run (who the hell approved that booking?).

Police motorcyclists were on hand to marshal them through a lane cordoned off with witches hats, while directing traffic into one lane. All went smooth and there were no problems that could have been associated with 200 bikies arriving at a hotel on major city arterial.

But that’s not how the Herald Sun saw the police’s work. According to today’s front page the Bandodos were getting a “free ride” and “VIP escort” through town while the rest of us remain stuck in traffic.

The Police Association even complained about its members being tied up this way.

So what should the police have done? Allowed 200 bikies to just roll into town when and where they please with no measures taken to ensure there is no gridlock or public unrest?

Also, as Sly of the Underworld (The Age crime journalist John Sylvester) said this morning on 3AW, the bikies hate police escorts -  riding into town with through designated lanes with police telling where and where not to go is hardly Easyrider.