Everybody Loves Ishant - separated at birth?

As well as having the biggest Adam’s apple in cricket since Ian Redpath, young Indian bowling sensation Ishant Sharma has a rather strong resemblance to American comedian Ray Romano - by that I don’t mean he’s a subcontinental version of Ray, the two could be brothers. They even have the same throaty Fozzy Bear voice.

However,  while I’m sure Ishant can crack jokes like the best of them, it remains to be seen if Ray can trouble Ricky Ponting with an incredible display of perfect line and length.

Nelson attacks - separated at birth?

 

The Leader of the Australian Liberal Party Dr Brendan Nelson has the rather apt nickname “The Forehead”, but after seeing him on TV this morning I was reminded of someone else with a similar shaped bonce, also from a once mighty conquerer which gets blown apart by a rag-tag opposition - a martian invader from Mars Attacks.

Best not play any Slim Whitman around the good doctor.

How Rudd will say ‘Sorry’

 

Kevin Rudd has admitted saying sorry to the Aboriginal stolen generation is becoming really tough. No, he hasn’t had a change of heart and gone all John Howard or The Fonz on us, he’s just having trouble choosing the right words.

Lets go forward in time to preempt how Rudd will present the apology.

After a week-long think tank involving his best speech writers and political advisors along with a string of consultants including constitutional lawyers, corporate communciations specialists, Indigenous elders and journalists, the prime minister is handed the final of more than 1oo drafts of the apology.

EXCLUSIVE - Mars man mystery solved

The internet is abuzz after the release of this photograph, taken in 2004 by the Mars explorer Spirit, which appears to show a human, or ape shaped form that looks a lot like previous photographs purporting to have captured Bigfoot.

Club Wah thinks it might actually be …    

Come on! Pull your head in Hewitt

I don’t how he can, but Australia’s most unpopular sportsperson is registering his arrogant hand gesture that has become the symbol of what a little shit he is.

I’m not sure how trademarking the movement of a bodypart will pay off for Lleyton Hewitt. Even if we had to pay him royalties, the money won’t exactly come rolling in as it’s not exactly a gesture that one makes normally unless they:

• Are doing a hand puppet show which involves having a discussion with an emu
• Are an ancient Egyptian
• Are an unloved tennis player who often talks to the same hand they’ve long had sexual relations with.

Anyway the “vicht” salute isn’t even Lleyton’s. The rights were actually held by former Swedish players Matts Wilander (someone whose compusure and sportsmanship Hewitt can learn from) and Niclas Kroon who let the trademark lapse. It is also used by other sportsmen like Grant Hackett (an Aussie sportsman in the true sense of the word) and Adelaide Crows defender Andrew McLeod as well as millions of other people who happen to have an arm, hand and wrist.

 

Bank on being shafted

Banks are holding us hostage knowing they benefit from a kind of Stockholm Syndrome approach by customers who have foolishly allowed them to justify their want to bend over and fuck their customers. A reason for this is the customer’s mistaken belief that adding to billion dollar profits benefits “mum and dad” shareholders of whom which they are or want to be.

Make effigies, not war

Unless you live in a cricketing nation, that is a country which considers cricket a national sport, as opposed to one that reveres members of the Gryllidae genus of insects, you may not be aware that war has broken out between Australia and India over a game of cricket which ended amid accusations of cheating, racism and bad hair.

Normally a war between a nation of 1 billion and one of 22 million would be considered a mismatch, but fortunately for Australia the Indians are a peace loving people who have the perfect solution to demonstrating unbridled violent anger without actually killing anyone – burning effigies.

As people of Latin origin like to let of steam by swearing, throwing things and having rough make-up sex, and Americans like to express their angst with automatic assault weapons, our friends on the subcontinent like to burn dummies that represent the object of their ire.