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Robert Doyle is an elitist twat!
When I was 17 I was accepted for an electrical apprenticeship with the Melbourne Metropolitan Board of Works pending a medical examination. At the medical the doctor saw that I went to St Albans Technical School and asked “how did you survive that”?
Yes St Albans’ had a tough reputation and this doctor simply assumed that because I was from there I must have lived my school life under constant threat of being stabbed or losing the shit from my bowels courtesy of a good beating.
I could have had a chip on my shoulder at the time. But I knew his opinion of my upbringing probably wasn’t helped by my urine sample having an unusually high alcohol content - courtesy of an unwise decision to partake in the consumption of a 750ml bottle of Carlton Draught with a mate a couple of hours before the medical.
Melbourne’s western and northern suburbs have always had a rough reputation which is justified in parts, but often over-exaggerated by people from the other side of the Yarra who have no idea what they’re talking about when they make such assumptions. I was starting to tire of being prejudged when I met girls or getting similar snide remarks to that doctor’s when I applied for jobs just because of where I lived. And I hated when my mates thought it best we lie about where we were from, rather than cop shit from people whenever we did venture to other parts of town.
Any chip I had on my shoulder disappeared years later when, in my new career, I managed people from so-called well-to-do suburbs who went to top private schools and only ever travelled north of the Yarra to get to the airport – it’s amazing how many of them now live in Yarraville or Coburg and think they have earned some kind of working-class street cred. Bite me you hedge-burning fucks!
But this morning the chip has returned after hearing Robert Doyle declare war on bogan trouble makers. Cr Doyle seized upon statistics published in The Age (which doesn’t recognise any suburb of Melbourne outside the tram network unless it’s a negative story) that show that most of those arrested for violent crimes in the CBD are from particular suburbs in the north and west of Melbourne including Broadmeadows, St Albans and Reservoir.
No surprises there. However Doyle, has taken it upon himself to demonise everyone from these areas by blaming “bogans” for the problems that his council and the state government has dismally failed to control.
I was going to say that while it’s wrong to negatively classify people by race, gender or sexual preference there seems to be no reluctance on demonising entire suburbs of Melbourne while hiding behind the bogan tag. And I was going to say that this will only lead to fights between kids from opposite sides of town. But what would I know, I’m just a westy bogan.
So fuck Robert Doyle. If he’s going to look down on me purely because of where they live then I’m gonna tuck the Winny Blues up my t-shirt sleeve, brush off the moccos, turn up Acca Dacca and give him bogan – the poncey, fat headed, fuck-wit, shit-eating, posh, cunt!
“Fuck ya Doyle, ya dumb fuck! Who the fuck are ya? Just because we didn’t all go to Geelong Grammar and fuck goats or play wheelbarrows with the pooftah headboys named Zac and Tristan! Fuck going into the CBD to kick some fuckin heads in, I reckon we drive the VN to High Street Armadale to punch the fuckin’ shit out of some rich college boys and fuck some fuckin posh sluts.
As my fuckin’ mum would say in Maltese: “Mur hudu f’sormok huq l’oxx! l’o f‘oxx dak l’arbi missierek!”*
Or as my Croatian mates Nick and Mato would say: “Hey Doyle ‘faarkin’. Jebi se jedi govna! Navući ću ti pičku preko glave. Idi u trie pičke materine! ‘Faaarkin’”!**
And my Vietnamese mate Huy says: “Hey Doyle. Det ma mai, di un cuc lo de!”***
“Sigh, I feel rather nostalgic now.
*Translation from Maltese: Up your ass, damn cunt! And fuck your Arab dad!
**Translation from Croatian: Hey Doyle, fuckin’? Go fuck yourself and eat shit. I’ll stretch your cunt over your head. Go to three of your mother’s cunts! Fuckin!
***Translation from Vietnamese: “Hey Doyle. Fuck your mother, go eat shit arsehole”
