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Click Celebrities the answer to Melbourne’s street violence
Posted by clubwah on August 20, 2009
Here’s a rather novel; way to rid Melbourne of street violence; wheel out some celebrity big guns to hit out at the problem. Who needs police and CCTV when you have a few “prominent” Melburnians telling us that violence is really, really bad.
This is enlightening stuff. Surely this will be so successful that they’ll introduce it to other cities like Washington DC, Johannesburg and Bahgdad!
So what sort of observations and solutions have our celebrity think tank come up with?
Australian music powerbroker Michael Gudinski blamed alcohol and drug consumption.
No! Who’d have fucking thunk that!
Footy legend Ron Barassi blames his generation for not teaching the young respect in schools and the home.
That’s exactly right Ron, that’s why young people beat the shit out of those slack old people.
Historian Geoffrey Blainey said he was shocked at the level of violence in Melbourne. and says “The first task of a government is law and order.”
Ah see, they don’t call him Prof for nothing.
Celebrity chef George Calombaris said thugs should be locked up.
Who the fuck is George Calombaris?
Former premier Jeff Kennett called for a saturation education campaign against violence.
Yeah, that would really help sort out them uneducated thugs Jeff.
Legal expert David Galbally, QC, said violence was “second nature” to many of today’s youth.
What would you fuckin know Galbally. Let’s see you say that outside. Come on!
And so it goes on and on and fucking on. It’s enough to make you want to kick the shit out of nightclubbers.
Dave from Albury said
Why is it only toffs who hate street violence Wah? People come all the way from Broadmeadows to share there love of violence with people in the city, and this is the thanks that they get? It’s outrageous.
Idlaviv said
So Mike Sheahan, Melbourne’s chief football-writer, never went to a football game played at Victoria Park?
johnlrobbie said
I missed the paper today. That would have been a hilarious/frustrating article. Jeff Kennett is such a dickhead. I’ve just turned 20. I avoid violence in the city by staying at bars up around Collins & Exhibition. The shops around there are too expensive, & dead-shits seem to avoid the extra cost of drinks at bars. Expensive, but safer.
Dave from Albury said
Strangely, the high cost of drinks in King St doesn’t seem to keep the violent mugs at bay.
clubwah said
But expensive bars mean nothing if you get the shit kicked out of you in the street on your way home.
Ross Sharp said
Michael Gudinski blaming drugs and alcohol …
Oh, the irony.
Chasy said
I find it ironic that George Calombaris is on a committee meant to reduce violence, considering he compels a large number of Australians to want to kick in their TVs.
clubwah said
I ask again. Who the fuck is George Calombaris?
Rox said
He’s a “celebrity” chef – like Kylie.
Idlaviv said
Kickboxing events at Melbourne Town Hall, Ethanol sold as Vodka in Nightclub, Trolley rage at Costco…
Where’s Snake Plissken when you need him?
Rebecca said
Bring back the six o’clock swill. That will solve all the problems. People will no longer be getting drunk. Instead they will be at home, watching the radio for the next adventure of The Phantom, while mum cooks a pot roast, as she knits a pair of booties for that lovely young couple down the road.
Failing that, send in the S.O.G., give the thugs a real sentence instead of community service orders, bring in three strikes and you’re out, tell the civil libertarians to shut the fuck up, and finally make sure anyone under the age of 18 is home by the time the street lights come on.
Melb Vicau said
all they need to do is make street violence totally uncool and bag the hell out of it… the violence would eventually stop…
VLTURBOBRO said
Send the wogs dosin’ it back to Greece and Italy. Best short-term solution IMO. Long term is a bit of a challenge. Celebrities make it more public. That helps a fuckload eh. By the way I nearly pissed myself at George Calombaris XD