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Posted by clubwah on June 21, 2009
In the suburbs there are two kinds of dickheads who drive the Toyota Prado:
A – Fat-arsed tracksuit wearing mums who are too fucking lazy to walk their kids to school so then clutter the drop off zone with these giants and then take more than five minutes to say goodbye to little Jaxxon and Taylah.
What the fuck takes so long? The Boeing CH-47 Chinook heavy-lift helicopter can have 35 fully-equipped combat troops disembarked in about one minute. For some reason there is a problem with the Toyota Prado that means dropping off two little bastards with school bags and a soccer ball takes five minutes. Could it be because a six-year-old girl might have trouble with the big door but Prado mum is fucking lazy to help? That’s a rhetorical question actually, that’s exactly fucking why!
Added to this is the fact that Prado drivers think they are the only people on the road so when they approach the drop-off point they stop at the start rather than drive up to the end to clear the way for others. In short they are selfish cunts, which happens to be what Prado means in Latin.
After taking so long to drop off their little cunt spawn Prado Mum realises she is going to miss the start of Kerry-Anne so she tailgates cars before passing on the inside lane with all the grace of Judy Moran at a smorgasbord.
After school she shows up early to get a parking spot because she’s fucked if she’ll walk. Of course parking within white lines isn’t good enough for these people. No, instead you see Prado’s off-road ability put to rare use; mounting the kerb and parking on a nature strip as close to the school so Prado Mum doesn’t have to get off her big fat fucking arse to pick the kids up from the gate.
B- Cunts in suits who talk on their mobile phones while tailgating people on freeways. Then, when they pass a car which has been sitting on cruise control set to about 103 km/h, they slow down meaning you pass the big twat before having to go through the whole tailgate routine again.
Anyone who owns a Toyota Prado as a family or company car with none of its excellent practical uses in mind is cunt!
Ray Dixon said
Spot on, Wah, but why restrict it to Prados? What about the Kias and even the BMW monsters? I’m sick of them. Every second car that comes up here is one of these travelling roadblocks & gas guzzlers. Reversing out of an angle park when one is parked next to you is a real lottery – you can’t see what’s coming. The other day this idiot pulls up next to my car just as I’m about to back out of an angle park. He opens the back door out wide for his kid and then goes around the other side to open that one. The door is left wide open blocking my path. I politely toot the horn once (just a little one). No response. I give two honks a bit louder. He saunters around and reluctantly pulls the door half way back in and stands there leaving me less than a foot to get by. I just stare at him. He stares at me, still holding the door half open. So I back out at an angle ang go as close as I can to his foot. I missed. I should have backed into his door or better still, run over his kid.
Anja said
I was clobbered last year by some douchebag driving one of these monstrosities. While she is driving this prettied up Sherman Tank, she had her fluffy little tampon on legs (one of those fru fru bichon whatzefucks, sitting on her lap.
When I approached her to exchange details after she has made intimate contact with the back of my car, she is still talking on her fucking phone. The temptation to jam said phone up her dog’s arse was overwhelming.
Bertus said
So, you don’t like them then Wah?
On the subject of being tailgated – I was tailgated one early evening, like literally an inch from the rear bumper, all the way from Frankston shopping centre up the hill to Mt Eliza, and into Mt Eliza village. I was behind someone, the three of us came up to a pedestrian crossing, and there was one of those elderly ditzes standing at the crossing, like “does she want to cross? Has she escaped from the home? Has she forgotten where she is?” type situations…
So the dude in front of me stopped (she didn’t cross, just continued standing there)so I had to stop, at which point the lunatic behind me went CRRRASH into the back of my car.
She…(don’t say it Bertus)..gets out, and it turns out she’s about 18. The next thing, she starts FUCKING CRYING!! Then, I kid you not, she’s weeping on my shoulder and moaning that her mother was going to kill her (I didn’t say “well, I certainly HOPE so” but I got close) then, in moment of perfect, ahh there is a God cosmic karma, her mother drove past!
The mother turns around, comes back, joins in the seance, and she’s saying, oh look we’ll fix everything up on insurance, while shooting daggers looks at her daughter; and eventually me and my still-just drivable car limped off home, which was about 300 metres away.
See, it’s such a shame I’M not a cunt, because I had a perfect opportunity to feign whiplash, serious neck injury or whatever, and take the idiot to the cleaners. But I didn’t, more fool me.
Brokenleftleg said
Fantastic rant Wah,
If Dave Hughes stole your material, he’d actually be funny as fuck.
Ray Dixon said
Dave Hughes would stuff it up.
Spock... said
It’s impossable to stuff up material like that…
But I’m sure Dave Hughes would find a way
Ray Dixon said
Dave Hughes probably drives a Prado.
shelly1971 said
Ahhh..A man after my own heart. Although I hate ALL FUCKERS that own four wheel drives. Expecially the aresholes that pull RIGHT UP to a stop sign so you cant see past them…then they fucking wave at you like..”yeah yeah your alright to go”….Fuck off dickhead. You dont even know how to take your “Four wheel drive” off road..like I’m gonna put my faith in your ROAD driving skills. Sorry for ranting, I suffer SEVERE road rage…and my cousin drives a Prado…and yes, she’s a fuckwit.
Chade said
Plus-fucking-one, Wah.
Rebecca said
What pisses me off is these fucktards go out and get their licence in a Kia Rio or Proton Sperm, then go out and drive these urban fuck ups that only see dirt because of the water restrictions.
If they want to drive these things they really should have a light truck licence as a minimum. Also while at it, they should put a law in force these tools are banned from driving less than 1km to drop their little shitheads off to school. Make the fuckers walk.
Anonymous said
I agree
stewie said
Prados suck. Punishment enough to own and drive one. Being seen in one (ugh, shudder). The debate about large4wd in urban areas is valid .
John Surname said
My Mum had a 2003 Prado. Let’s fight.
clubwah said
Yeah John, and look how you fucking turned out.
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Clayton said
If I’m being tailgated I slow down. Right down. If I’m on a dual carriageway and there are cars in the other lane I only slow down enough so that the dickhead behind me can’t pass because of them.
I enjoy these people. They make driving challenging and fun.
Anonymous said
I drive a 99 nl pajero and soon as you go around a prado they get the shits Im fucked if I know what their problem is I bought mine for off road use not a fucken status symbol
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