Click 
Click The Ashes for the Ignorant – Part I
Posted by clubwah on May 14, 2009
July will again see the start of one of the best sporting events Australia has the pleasure of being involved in; The Ashes.
Now some of you will be saying “who gives a flying fuck?” That’s OK, you’re either a sheila or just plain fucking ignorant. Which is why ClubWah is introducing an exclusive series of guides called Ashes for the Ignorant.
The aim of Ashes for the Ignorant is not to teach the history of the ugly little fucking urn, Bradman, Bodyline and all that shit. It’s also not about the rules of cricket. No, Ashes for the Ignorant is about providing a rough guide on the important things that will make good Australians go without much sleep this winter.
The course is mostly targeted at women, for situations such as:
- When colleagues start talking Ashes in the lunchroom
- You fancy a guy with a healthy knowledge of cricket
- You want your boyfriend/husband to like you again.
Hopefully, in the coming weeks Ashes for the Ignorant will teach you enough about The Ashes for you to enjoy the cricket so you won’t need to bore your guy with stupid questions like “who’s that?” “who’s winning?” or “which one is Lara Bingle’s boyfriend?”
Ashes for the Ignorant - Lesson 1
Dam Buster said
Your first lesson is right on the money.
A man made in the mould of that other great south african turn cunt.. i mean turn coat Tony Greig.
clubwah said
Along with their captain Strauss – though he seems like a decent bloke.
Russ said
If you are going to show us all the cunts individually, there’s a fortnight gone. Can’t you get a team photo?
clubwah said
They are not all cunts. I think though that this an important thing to know to make watching the Ashes a more pleasurable experience especually when his middle stump goes flying it he cops a Mitchell Johnson delivery in the ribs.
trampanto said
I resent your comments being made towards women.
I have been playing competitive cricket since I was 11 years old. I have played in 2 winning and 1 losing grand final. I have coached a team to a grand final (washed out, grrr).
I have a bowling average of 15.23, batting average of 42, and in the last season I took 14 catches. I am the reserve wicket keeper for my team, and I was asked to captain both the teams I played in this season, one women’s, one men’s. I have also achieved my umpires badge, and have no issue scoring a game either.
I have played in four day, two day, one day and Twenty20 matches. Once being selected to represent Queensland (hey, I was living there at the time ok, don’t shoot) at State level.
So as you can see, I know a little bit about the game. Using this knowledge I can safely say that I 100% agree with your sentiments towards Kevin Pietersen.
roxannatas said
“That’s OK, you’re either a sheila….”
Watch it Wah. I’ve been following cricket since the days of Lillian Thompson. You’re right about Bradman*, and the answers are Adam Gilchrist in a replay, Australia and Michael Clarke.
*and Pietersen – but he’s South African so it’s not unexpected
Bron said
What does “cricket” mean?
The Ashes for the Ignorant – Part VIII « Club Wah said
[...] hurt his ribs in the process and will miss at least one Test, leading to some happy Poms including Kevin Pietersen who said Lee not playing will be a [...]