Americans going soft on terrorism

I was amazed to read this story which emerged while the great man Nelson Mandela was being honoured with a massive rock concert in London, the kind that only the Poms can do so well.

Yes, on the eve of his 90th birtday, the US Senate has finally approved a bill to “free” Nelson Mandela, and remove former South African president, and his African National Congress from the US terror watch list.

The bill now heads to the White House, where it is expected to be signed by President George W. Bush in time for the anti-apartheid leader and Nobel Peace Prize winner’s 90th birthday on July 18.

Jesus, how many people will sleep easier now knowing that one of the greatest peacemakers of our time is no longer considered a terrorist – there was always that threat he’d fly a plane into a skyscraper wasn’t there?

And I wonder if this will lead to the doors of the ridiculously named Camp Justice at Guantanimo Bay being swung open.

Defence Minister Fitzgibbon – my suspicions confirmed

Having, as Iain Hall puts it, broken my conservative virginity (for my protest vote in the Kororoit by-election) I have flushed the condom down the toilet and had a long shower and put the experience down to one of those dirty one-night stands you have that mean nothing.

I should point out that I would never think of voting for the Federal Liberal Party as long as my feet touch this ever warming planet. So after scoffing at Brendan Nelson’s spin on the aftermath of the Gippsland by-election, and yelling at my computer screen “fuck you to hypocritcal elongated-forehead cunt”, I came across this article on the Rudd Government’s Defence Minister Joel Fitzgibbon – I liked what I read.

I don’t know too much about Mr Fitzgibbon, but like Lindsay Tanner, he immediately struck me as a straight shooter who takes the Defence portfolio very seriously and won’t simply meld into the background to maintain the status quo – unlike the stream of bell-ends that that Howard put in there.

My intuition was, if not confirmed, sataisfied by this entertaining article in The Sunday Age by political columnist Paul Daley, which descrbes Fitzgibbon as a “no-bullshit former auto-electrician from Cessnock in country NSW. He has a turn of phrase that could make Belinda Neal blush — the product, perhaps, of knocking about with tradies, cock-fighting through the NSW Labor Right and playing first-grade rugby for the Cessnock Goannas.”

How good’s that! I haven’t been this excited about a politician since I saw a pic of Julia Gillard’s three-bedroom house in Altona!

Daley writes about Fitzgibbon’s approach to his job that, in these days of carefully, but misguided spin and populism, by the prime minister, rather excited me.

For example:

Then, just before Christmas in a closed-door meeting of NATO defence ministers in the shadows of Edinburgh Castle, Fitzgibbon let fly at the organisation’s lack of coherence on Afghanistan. Some were taken aback. Others, however, appreciated the plain talk. American Defence Secretary Robert Gates approached the plucky Fitzgibbon in the bar, put his arm around him, called him “son” and said he was glad someone had finally stated the truth. The two have been close since, and will meet for the fifth time when Fitzgibbon goes to the US next month.

Remember the bullshit line Howard ran about Australia jeapordising the security relationship we had with the Americans? At least Fitzgibbon has shown we can be friends with the Yanks without sucking their cock.

Theen there’s this anecdote about Fitzgibbon’s talks with Lockheed Martin, the manufacturer of the controversial F-35 Joint Strike Fighter:

The JSF’s manufacturer, Lockheed Martin, knows Fitzgibbon is on the warpath. At a recent meeting with a senior company man, the Australian minister purportedly said: “Look mate, don’t f— us around. If there’s something wrong with this plane then tell us now.”

There was, it is said, a sharp intake of breath. But no clear answers. Fitzgibbon will meet Lockheed Martin for round two in Fort Worth, Texas, next month. Oh to be an official in that room!

It’s great to see an old-school politician in a senior position who has lived a real life and hasn’t come through the party-hack ranks. Let’s hope he can continue to be himself and kick some defence establishment arse and undo the damage done by the Howard Government.

 

Why I’m voting Liberal

Anyone who has been through this blog can safely assume that my political leanings skew towards the Labor Party. I have never voted Liberal but this will change in tomorrow’s state by-election in the seat of Kororoit.

Kororoit is safe Labor, outer suburban, mortgage belt and any other working-class cliche you care to imagine. I’m pretty happy with the services that have been delivered in the area. However the transport needs in much of the area are a disgrace.

There is a bus network, but it’s too in frequent and does not tie in with the train network meaning 20 minute waits between bus and train. So I drive to a train station instead of relying on the bus. However because of full car parks I have to drive all the way to West Footscray, half way into town, to get on the Sydenham Line, which is one of the most overcrowded on the network.

The transport shortcomings in the area have been identified in the Eddington Report about public transport infrastructure. However, I fear the Brumby Government will barely give the bulk of Eddington’s recommendations an airing, and will instead bow to pressure from inner-city and Green lobby groups.

I feel the only way the State Government will listen to the these recommendations is if Kororoit stops being a safe Labor seat held with a whopping 26 per cent margin.

This is why I, and I hope many of my neighbours, will vote Liberal to give John Brumby, and even Kevin Rudd a scare, and make them realise the people in Melbourne’s outer western suburbs are not to be taken for granted.

I’m also pissed off that Labor have chosen to parachute in a candidate from the northern suburbs, former Darebin Mayor Marlene Kairouz, at the expense of former Brimbank mayor (one of the councils in the electorate) Natalie Suleyman – who was a victim of factional infighting.

Interestingly Kairoz has campaigned against the proposed road tunnel linking the Tullamarine and Eastern Freeways, which would benefit the people she is hoping to represent.

The Liberal Party have brought in a local candidate, Jenny Matic – who grew up in the area since migrating from Croatia, and has has actually lived a real life as a research scientist, rather than as a party hack.

While Labor should win this by-election, it’s obvious by the amount of advertising material dropped in my letter box in the past week – more than the Federal election – that the Brumby camp is concerned.

Even the Liberals are putting up a good fight, which is almost unprecedented around here. Add to that independent candidate Les Twentyman, a high profile social worker who I feel does more to maintain the unfair myth about the “poor” western suburbs than anyone else, and I reckon a sizable chunk will be taken out of Labor’s margin – that said I’m tempted to vote for Twentyman to spite that fat, disgusting cunt Andrew Landeryou, who published a Google Earth image of the candidate’s street and house on his blog.

With public transport being the biggest issue in this area at the moment, I’m hoping a poor showing for the Brumby Government will achieve two things.

Firstly that Kororoit and the western suburbs are no longer taken for granted by Labor or seen as a lost cause to the Libs.

Secondly I hope it shows John Brumby that that continuing to neglect public transport infrastructure and services could cost him dearly at the next state election.

I be tagged again!

My, I’m becoming popular. I have been memed again, this time by EC, the owner of a lovely red shiny girl’s bike.

Apparently I have to get the book nearest to me, open it to page 123 and write the fitfh sentence.

So from my bag I dig out Ernest Hemingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls (Hustler magazine has less than 123 pages) and I give you one of the less excrutiating lines from the book: “Unless the Moors are Negroes”.

It’s a shame I couldn’t use this line from page 98 – Daughter of the great whore of whores. I befoul myself in the milk of the springtime.

I’m not sure what that means, but I have a feeling you would not include it in a mother’s day card.

If it’s OK to tag someone who tagged me previously then I tag Luli.

Oh for fuck’s sake are we healthy or not?

I was about to go to bed when I saw this report on The Age web site saying Australians are now the second-longest-living people on earth with falling death rates for cancer, heart disease, stroke and injury.

Yet earlier this week alarm bells rang when another report said Australia has overtaken America as the world’s fattest nation. While yet another report, published yesterday said “Australians are fatter, lazier and suffering more sexually transmitted diseases than ever. 

So fuck! Which one is it?

It’s time medical lobby groups stopped putting out research skewed to their own agendas and for the media to stop lapping this shit up. There’s a danger that research fatigue will stop people from heeding the few reports that actually provide facts and good advice.

We should also investigate whether the Body Mass Index that rates obesity is accurate for modern bodies, or as useful as saying three beers is binge drinking.

It’s official, Mugabe is bonkers!

Zimbabwean despot Robert Mugabe’s unlawful grip on power is under increased pressure with his African neighbours finally waking up admitting that yes, he’s a cunt.

In a sign that Mugabe’s power-fuelled drunkenness is at incurable levels, Mugabe has declared “only God” can remove him from office.

So what do you say God, how’s a about organising a bullet through the fucker’s head.

Lets hunt Apple-loving fucktards

Further to my Blog about the strange folk who queued up to be the first to enter the new Apple Store in Sydney, the Fairfax, obsessed with all things Apple, has gone up and asked 10 people in the queue why they are such fucking geeky idiots - though not in those words.

The responses were not part of the original article.

1. Rochelle Quantock
Age: 36
From: Melbourne
Occupation: Graphic designer
Arrived at: Wednesday 8am
Reason for coming: “To allow my kids to be among the first people to walk into the Sydney Apple Store.”

Jesus this is something your kids will really treasure for the rest of their lives. “Mummy we want to go to Movie World”. “I have a better idea, let’s spend the night outside a fucking computer store instead”. You flew all the way from Melbourne for this? Fuck! Even the fact that you’re a graphic designer who earns all her keep on a Mac does not excuse the fact that you’re fucked in the head and should seek help and have your children taken away.

2. Moyzschya Belle
Age: 61
From: Brisbane/Hawaii
Occupation: Investor/research scientist
Arrived at: Wednesday 8.20am
Reason for coming: “Because I can – I didn’t drink the kool-aid, I drank apple juice.”

Stupid cunt.

3. Kenneth Nordahl
Age: 24
From: Brisbane/Norway
Occupation: IT and film student
Arrived at: Wednesday 8.45am
Reason for coming: “I’m a Mac user, I love my Macs.”

I’m a Breville sandwich maker user but I don’t wank off and bore every cunt about it. It’s a fucking appliance, made in a factory. Would you queue up if Brevelle opened a shop? Would you? It’s amazing that your parents named you Kenneth 24 years ago – they must have fucking foresaw this!

4. Gary Allen
Age: 60
From: Berkeley, California
Occupation: Magazine publisher and writer of a Mac blog dedicated to Apple stores, ifoAppleStore.com.
Arrived at: Wednesday 10.15am
Reason for coming: “Really it’s about the people – to meet the people in line and also for the store employees and the Apple team; they’ve been really appreciative.”

OK so you have an excuse because you write a blog for Apple stores – which is like saying I like to fuck and kill baby foxes because I write for fuckandkillbabyfoxes.com. Cunt.

5. Devin Allen
Age: 21
From: Berkeley, California
Occupation: Criminology student
Arrived at: Wednesday 10.15am
Reason for coming: “To meet other Mac enthusiasts. I’m here to support Apple and visit another gorgeous store – and check out Sydney.”

Devin, surely your real answer is “my daddy made me do it”.

6. Jason Davis
Age: 35
From: Sydney
Occupation: IT distribution
Arrived at: Wednesday 10.30am
Reason for coming: “To support the company, meet some fellow Mactalk.com.au forum members and just meet new people as well.”

I’m sure that the Apple shareholders will value the support of yourself and your celleagues from your collective iWank fest. You’re 35 Jason, there is a life to be had. If by chance you ever meet a woman, don’t tell her you did this.

7. Mike Kaufmann
Age: 72
From: Santa Cruz, California
Occupation: Retired airline pilot
Arrived at: Wednesday 11am
Reason for coming: “Because I’m an enthusiastic Apple nut; n-u-t. 

Apple c-u-n-t more like it.

8. Anthony Agius
Age: 23
From: Melbourne
Occupation: Founder of Mactalk.com.au
Arrived at: Wednesday 2pm
Reason for coming: “To be with my fellow Mac users and to bask in the glory of the Mac church.”

I hope the Mac church hands out “the kool-aid” laced with arsenic and we find you all dead on the fucking porch. You’ve been brainwashed by marketing hype cockhead!

9. Richard Olsen
Age: 29
From: Sydney
Occupation: Retired insurance underwriter
Arrived at: Wednesday 2.30pm
Reason for coming: “I came to buy a Macbook – I wasn’t going to come originally but then I thought, no, bugger it, it looks like a lot of fun.”

You’re 29 and retired? Retired from life in general I’d say Richard. I guess that’s why you have the time to queue up all night to buy a laptop which you could have got from Harvey Norman. 

10. Gavin Hughes
Age: 30
From: Sydney
Occupation: Unemployed
Arrived at: Wednesday 4pm
Reason for coming: “I don’t truly know why I’m here but I’m glad I’ve been here because I’ve met some truly wonderful people.”

Judging by your occupation Gavin I’m guessing these fuckers have taken your usual sleeping spot.

Why couldn’t any of these peopkle be honest and say Apple actually paid them to queue up out front so the opening of their wanky store can get news coverage.

What’s with the Bundy Bear anyway?

The Bundy Bear has become a victim of the overreaction to binge drinking that has been sweeping this country.

The party-loving polar bear was thrust into the political limelight when Federal Health Minister Nicola Roxon, pointed out that Nationals MP Paul Neville, whose seat of Hinkler encompasses the city of Bundaberg, actually had a life-sized facsimile of Bundy in his parliamentary office window.

I personally have never been comfortable with the big white furry prick and his stereotypical party-loving Aussie mates, whose nicknames I’m sure end with the letter ‘O’. 

If I  walked into a party with a seven foot-tall polar bear, everyone would scream and shit themselves and he’d probably run amok and rip them to shreds with his massive claws – like a lot of people do after drinking Bundaberg Rum.

And what’s with all the shielas snuggling up to him, like in the ad where he  turned pink after his so called mates chucked a red sock in his hot bath. What … are they actually going to fuck him? Is that what Bundaberg Rum does, make people fuck carniverous mammals?  And why can’t he mate with his own species – it’s not like they don’t need the numbers. Nicola Roxon is concerned that a promotional bear will lead to binge drinking, but has no qualms about the encouragement of life-threatening bestiality.

And since when did polar bears like hot baths anyway?  The Stupid white prick.