Fuck off one-wheel prick
Posted by clubwah on March 14, 2008
The other day there was a letter in mXnewspaper which was a nice change to the usual Connex gripes and attempts by stalkers trying to connect with the cute person on the 5.14 train from the city whose “smile made my day” (and no doubt provided hours of masturbation fodder).
While the subject matter was a nice change the content was no less infuriating than the usual trash that makes its way into mX Talk.
It read: To everyone who has ever asked me “where is the rest of your bike”, it’s called a unicycle. It’s not a bike. Please don’t think you’re funny – Jon, Werribee
Get fucked unicycle rider.
Anyone who rides a unicycle is an attention seeking twat who isn’t content with using two wheels to piss normal people off. It’s an incredibly inefficient way to travel, even worse than skateboards, roller blades and pogo fuckin’ sticks and should not be ridden by anyone who doesn’t wear face paint or juggle for a living.
The fact that people choose to make a bit of a joke out of your ridiculous choice of transport is far better than the kick in the balls you deserve. The only redeeming feature of the unicycle is that it doesn’t take up too much room on crowded trains. But then why can’t you just walk to uni (uni, it’s always uni) from the station like everyone else.
The only people worse than as bad as you are those, usually with beards, who ride lie-down recumbent bikes that need a safety flag to prevent cars from driving over you and potentially damaging their undercarriage. To ride a recumbent bike is to say: “I have a rubber doll at home. I call her Clarice.”
You make upright two-wheeled cyclists seem like decent people.
raydixon said
The only people worse than
as badas you are those, usually with beards, who ride lie-down recumbent bikes…I changed the “strike” around Wah because riders of the “Lie-down” bike are the worst, and the most ridiculous. We see a lot of them over here in Bright riding along the railtrail behind our place and, believe it or not, some fuckers rode these things in the recent 220km Audax Alpine Classic up and down the mountains around here.
Bt what is the “advantage” of riding a bicycle while lying prostrate with your two legs pumping out in front of you with no weight or gravity to help them pedal?
I’m told one of the great benefits of cycling around here as opposed to touring in motorised transport is you get to enjoy the sight, sound & scent of the scenery more fully without the noise and intrusions other transport provides. Fair enough, but how good does the scenery look from 6 inches above the bitumen?
It’s only a matter of time before one of these “reclining fools” is cut in half by a motorcyclist on a bend between here and Mt Hotham.
raydixon said
We were over in Albury this morning and I kid you not there was one of those “lie-down recumbent bikes” going down the busy main street, but get this: it was a TANDEM ! Two fools on one machine (complete with flags).
clubwah said
Did they have beards?
raydixon said
Couldn’t tell – I just lost sight of them as they headed under the bus.
Iain said
The theory is quite simple Ray and it has to do with aerodynamics because a recumbent cyclist has a much smaller frontal area than one in the conventional position. They can actually travel further and use less energy than ordinary cycles. The trouble is that they are still Loonies in Lycra and their numbers need culling….
Terry Wright said
FUCK OFF IAIN
Hippy, Dole Bluding, Scissure Head
John Surname said
Don’t you get it Wah? Unicyclists are so unique. They’re special.
raydixon said
Unicyclers can be forgiven because they’re all obviously just practicing for a gig in a circus … or Moomba. But the ‘recliners’, what is their excuse for looking like the most complete fools in the universe? Is this geriatric cycling taken to extemes? Were these absurd machines invented just so people with paralysis of the upper body (and minds) and crook backs could say, “I might be disabled but I can still cycle”? They should just get one of those disabled scooters with the flag on it and be done with it. At least we could see ‘em coming.
Terry Wright said
Lazy bastards.
They don’t ride normal bikes because they’re two tired.
Iain said
Terry
Are you strung out or something? If I offend the owner of this blog I am sure he will tell me, until then I suggest that you check your connection because he may well be able give you what you so clearly seem to need.
Cheers
Ray I have heard all about the “design advantages” of recumbent cycles from my brother who is very keen that style of bike, but I do agree that a certain amount of respect is due to anyone who can ride a uni-cycle which as far as I understand it actually quite difficult. I sort of feel the same about penny farthing riders. It takes a great deal of courage to ride perched on a machine with virtually no brakes and a seat that is nearly two metres from the ground.
Terry Wright said
What don’t you understand about FUCK OFF IAIN?
raydixon said
It takes a great deal of courage to ride perched on a machine with virtually no brakes and a seat that is nearly two metres from the ground.
… but very little in the brain department.
As for the recliners, the ‘design advantages’ are clearly only evident to those who use them. To the rest of us these people just look like they’re begging to be run over, decapitated or cut in half by some unsuspecting motorist not aware that down there about 6 inches off the ground is someone attempting to share the same carriageway. If legislation is ever bought in to register bicycles, these things will fail the roadworthy and safety specs for sure.
clubwah said
Keep it civilised please fellas. Unlike MK I welcome anyone to comment here.
Iain said
Glad to hear that Wah
Fang said
Stop being condescending Hall you sewer rat.
Iain said
Yawn Fang
unicycler said
alright, I just have one question, why is it that you feel the need to put down people who enjoy something that takes an enormous amount of time and effort to learn then decide that they like to ride in more places than their front yard, in a way you are as much of a condescending attention whore as you claim unicyclists to be. Unicycles may be inefficient and silly looking but there is no reason to confine them to performers and circus clowns, you my good sir deserve a swift kick to the nuts learn to tolerate people we unicyclists have learned to tolerate you and other like you so try and do the same. Thanks.
clubwah said
I admire your determination to master one of those things that to most of us looks imposible, without the incenctive of it being at all useful to you – especially if you’re not a clown or juggler.
It’s not that I don’t tolerate unicycles, I just don’t see the point or advantage of them. I think anyone who rides one does it to stand out and as such should expect expect silly questions and ridicule from the less tolerant – like me.
raydixon said
To “unicycler”: I only have one question … why?
OneTireFlyer said
clubwash, thanks. raydixon, it’s a really long story.
I’ve been riding since I was 12. I’m 44 now so I feel I’ve had the time to ponder that very question.
There are probably as many reasons for riding as there are people who ride. I’ve linked up with a group of unicyclers in Portland, OR; we started with 4 guys and have grown to 20+ men and women over the course of a couple of years. Again, we all have our own reasons.
Speaking for myself, riding has always been very meditative. On a uni, you’re moving at a speed that’s out of phase with the rest of society. Faster than a walker or runner but slower than a bicycle, it’s a great way to be out in society but still spend time alone. As lonely as this may sound, it’s actually very fulfilling; a favorite thought of mine is that by enjoying what I love to do, I’m simultaneously staying in shape and creating memories for random people I’ll never meet.
When I ride with my particular, albeit peculiar, little group we spend the majority of our time off-road, exploring the incredible beauty of the Pacific Northwest. Close your eyes and imagine ‘flying’ soundlessly down a squishing muddy narrow track, winding your way through old-growth evergreen and drinking oxygen in by the gallon. Bliss. Now imagine doing it on a moonless night with only a helmet-mounted (where else would you put it?) light to provide sight. Magic. Now turn off the light. Womb warmth.
That’s me. Others in our group commute. Some started riding as a way to practice for cycle-cross and now race both one and two wheeled mounts. Ultra distance has recently been a topic with a couple of guys (not me.) just having completed a 100K (62 miles) ride in preparation for the annual Seattle to Portland ride which is 200 miles. One of the distance guys runs in ultra marathons and uses the uni to provide a workout that running 100 miles cross country in ~30 hours without sleep doesn’t offer.
raydixon, it was a simple question. There just isn’t an easy answer.
OneTireFlyer
unicycler said
Clubwah, sorry for the little rant. I’m sure you understand I do come to expect it and tolerate it but it does become annoying after a while. raydixon I do it because I can, I started out of boredom and became determined to learn, I share the same opinion about being “out of phase with society” as OneTireFlyer, it’s a sort of mental meditation. I love to see the reactions(even the typical “where’s your other wheel is sometimes fun to hear) by doing something different I can brighten someone’s day or show them something they’ve never seen before. I do a lot of distance unicycling myself and if you close your eyes(not a good idea sometimes) it can almost feel like you are flying, once you learn to ride it’s almost instinctive to pedal so you hardly think about it as you zoom down the road at 12+mph I’ve hit recorded speeds of 23mph. In short I do it because I want to and because I can simply become one with a very simple machine and feel at peace. I tried to make my answer shorter than OneTireFlyer’s but I hope it wasn’t too much for you to sit through, I just don’t really know how to answer that question… I just ride… My way I describe riding to people is simply one wheeled meditation, you can’t truly understand what OneTireFlyer and I are talking about until you’ve tried it yourself, Happy trails, and have fun doing whatever it is you do.
raydixon said
Thanks unicycler & onetireflyer for those responses. I’m still not sure why anyone would choose to unicycle in the first place but I guess if, as you say, you were bored it’s better to take up one-wheeling than to take to the bottle or other forms of self-medication. It’s all about achieving that state of euphoria or nirvana by the sound of it. Same result, different process.
clubwah said
Unicycler, no need to aplogise for your rant, particularly considering the name of my rant is Fuck Off You One-Wheel Prick.
I appreciate your explanations on why you ride unicycles.
OneTyreFlyer, do you really ride them off road? How rough is the road? I can’t imagine how that’s possible without killing yourself.
clubwah said
Uh, just saw a You Tube vid linked from OneTyyer’s web site of UMX.
I guess “crashing” a unicycle is safer than a bike in that you just step forward as you fall – still looks bloody hard though, if not a bit silly.
raydixon said
I’d like to see a unicycler jump over a row of buses like two-wheelers can.
OneTireFlyer said
Clubwah – a road doesn’t necessarily exist all the time. I’ve ridden cross-country without any semblance of a road in sight. Additionally, I have a favorite workout comprised of a good mile of river-beach.
No – it’s not a practical transportation alternative for the masses but yes it does keep me out of the bars when I need to not think about something.
Yes – crashing is a lower speed activity on a uni. At the same time, the rider sits somewhat higher than a bike so perfecting the art of tuck and roll in a fall becomes important. That said, to date I’ve never been injured while riding a uni.
In the video “Unicycle Bastards Invade Portland,” I’m the idiot who takes the fall off the tree in the final scene. As bad as it looks, I walked away with my manhood, not pride, intact. To view the video – click on my name above this posting. The video is also available on Google (what isn’t these days?)
Thanks for the discussion. BTW – like it or not, you’ve unwittingly invented a new term – UMX. I’ve not heard that one before. We’ve always called it ‘Muni’ for Mountain Uni but I like yours a lot better.
OneTireFlyer – out
clubwah said
Feel free to use UMX. I hope it’s used big time. It would be ironic of a post called Fuck off one-wheeled prick ended up in me becoming immortal in the unicycle world.