No-shit beat up of the week

 

I love this story via REUTERS about killer robots  used as terrorist tools. Whoops I tell a lie - it’s actually killer robots MAY be terrorist tools, according to an expert no less.

Well no shit. I’m sure anyone capable of convincing a medical student to strap explosives around herself to become human shrapnel in a bus full of school children wouldn’t pass up the chance to sick killer robots on the infidel.

I’m positive, if given the opportunity, terrorists MAY use all types of weapons, like ballistic missiles and death rays, operated from a massive a secret bunker on a remote island manned by a secret army of men in helmets trained to do everything from drive little electric cars to putting satellites in orbit.

Where the news value is in saying they MAY use killer robots is anyone’s guess.

That’s like saying I MAY shag Megan Gale or I MAY drive an Aston Martin DB9 Volante. No shit!

Stupid question of the week

I don’t want to start an Andrew Bolt watch simply because I have better things to do. But I couldn’t let this intro to today’s column about Barack Obama pass:

IF BARACK Obama wins this year’s election, America will have its first black president. Or will it? And should it? After all, why is Obama black when his mother is white? If Obama really does represent the new politics of the 21st century, shouldn’t he run instead as America’s first multi-racial president?

Yeah well, I’m sure if Obama walked through a KKK cross burning ceremony no one will give him the benefit of being half white.  And in the 1960s would Obama have been allowed to sit in the white’s only section of a bus, or attend university without people yelling out “nigger go home”?

I know a guy who is half Chinese, on his mum’s side. He has his dad’s height and deep booming Aussie voice and an anglo surname. He’s as Aussie as they come with Asian looks. What do you think most people consider him to be? He was a magazine editor and never received hate mail until one day when he appaeared in the social pages.  After that any editorial he wrote with a liberal slant was siezed upon by racist filth who told him to go back to China. Nice.

Bolt is naive at best if he thinks people of mixed race aren’t going to mostly asssociate with how they appear, because in most cases they haven’t got a choice.

So, Greenpeace want security do they?

Greenpeace mean well, but deep down a lot of its members are a bunch of narrow minded fuckwits, who use so-called good causes like whales and climate change to justify their bastardry.

Yesterday they got involved with the ridiculous protest against the well-underway expansion of Heathrow Airport claiming that more planes will add to climate change. Nevermind the fact that commercial airliners are 50 per cent cleaner now than 25 years ago and that your average Boeing 777 or Airbus A340 lets out less emissions than a 1974 Kombi van or a lentil-munching vegetarian.

In fact the exhaust if the new generation of aircraft will be cleaner than the air coming through then intakes.

Aviation is without a doubt one of mankind’s greatest achievements, but these fuckwits want to take us back to the stone ages. Heathrow needs to be extended because people want and need to use it.

Part of their protest involved four people pretending to be airline employees who managed to climb on top of British Airways Airbus. This is extremely embarrassing for Heathrow’s security people and they need their arse kicked for allowing it to happen.

Of course Greenpeace had to gloat about how slack security was at Heathrow, as though this had something to do with climate change.

But even the the dumbest protester knows that if the Metropolitan Police S019 and SAS detatchements at the airport thought the banner waving fools were terrorists, they would have had new arseholes shot through the backs of their heads - “Did I just sea a laser bea … ” SPLAT!

Oscars wank

 

I’m glad Cate Blanchett or any other Australian didn’t win a major Oscar.

Whenever one does it sends Australia back 30 years to the days of cultural cringe where the media wank on as though it’s the greatest thing to ever happen to this country and inindate us with embarrassing ”wow, the Americans know we exist” shit - even when the award is for Best Costume in a Foreign Film.

We’re better than that.

Alcoholic hypocricy

The Age newspaper has been running features about afterdark violence in Melbourne’s streets caused by the proliferation of all-night bars and clubs in the CBD. Although being a bit high-horse it’s not a bad campaign which hopefully could lead to changes to liquor licensing to stop the violence, which it claims is increasing.

I couldn’t help but notice though that while The Age on one hand is decrying the loutish behaviour in our streets caused by alcohol it is also a major sponsor of the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival, encouraging people to swarm into the city and indulge. This morning theage.com.au even had the two together on the web site, as seen above.

Such double standards aren’t new. How often to we see drink driving message juxtaposed with car races sponsored by alcohol companies.

Cricket Australia is also guilty of this. On one hand it tries cracking down on loutish behaviour at the MCG while signs tick over with major sponsors including Wolf Blass, VB and Johnny Walker. Aware of duplicty, CA’s spin doctors got to work and said the the problems at the MCS including violence, racial taunts and throwing projectiles were caused by “anti-social behaviour” - as opposed to drunken behaviour.

There will violence in Melbourne’s streets after dark as long as nigtclubs are allowed to open all night. Booze is expensive, so people are getting their cheap fills at home or at parties befiore going into town already drunk. While many nightclubbers are responsible you can’t ignore the senseless violence. It’s time assault, especially when unprovoked, is treated as a major crime. 

Hi-5s for Charlie

 

One thing about being a parent, especially in the early years is having to sit with the little tackers through hours of kiddie TV shows. Because kids love things repeated you get to know these shows intimately so it helps if they’re watchable.

Alas there are slim pickings. The Wiggles are okay, but I find myself wanting to jump in the television to kick the shit out of Captain Feathersword. The Teletubbies are just fuckin’ idiots and that purple prick Barney is the one reason I’m glad dinosaurs were wiped off the face of the planet.

Hi-5 for all its mushy songs and all things nice was watchable not least because of the girls, especially Charli, and I mean this in the most respectful way. I always appreciated her charm, and her obvious like for kids. Charli has announced her retirement from the hit show, leaving just two original members. She’s a gorgeous woman and I pity anyone who has kids from this day forth and is forced to watch Hi-5 without her.

Why can’t cricketers earn big bucks?

 

I don’t understand all the fuss about the Australian players contracted to play in the Indian Premier League Twenty20 competition. If Harry Kewell can play in the world’s most popular football league for a seven figure sum and then play for his country, then why can’t cricketers do the same?

Lleyton Hewitt earns a shitload of money playing for himself and himsef only, but proudly represents Australia in Davis Cup. In the US, baseballers, basketballers and footballers make a fortune for privately run clubs that generate the revenue to pay them ridiculous amounts. So why can’t cricketers?

No cricket! What would Kerry think?

Channel Nine has a history of passing up great sporting events it owns the rights to for mediocre television. When Nine needed Channel Ten to take up the slack with its AFL rights, it managed to secure a great deal which saw the junior broadcaster show the finals series for the length of the rights term - the problem was the Sydney execs who signed the deal to get Ten on board didn;t quite appreciate just how big a televison event the Grand Final is. Legend has it when Kerry Packer found out that he forked out millions only to not show the finals he politely asked “who’s the cunt that signed this?”

Nine had the rights to the Football World Cup 2oo2 and decided months out that it would only show games with popular teams like Brazil, Italy and England, not quite realising that Nigeria versus Spain can be an absolute blockbuster. SBS took up the slack and rated its arse off, leaving Nine to look like fuck wits.

Nine did a simular thing with the 2005 Ashes Series, which allowed SBS to show the matches Nine didn’t want to show because of prime time shows, Wimbledon ot that no one will stayt up late to watch cricket - they fucked that one up big time.

Tonight Nine did similar thing and decided not to show India versus Sri Lanka in the Commonwealth Bank Series match from Adelaide, which turned out to be the most exciting match so far, with Sri Lanka’s attack claiming late scalps before allowing India to just get over the line with two wickets and about three balls to spare.